The glass that's half full AND half empty

When you choose to play this game called life, you are living in a world of duality. A soul incarnate on earth. We think ourselves clever when we choose to reframe our thoughts. I, too, have had the epiphany that thoughts become things, and when I’m on song choose to see the glass half full rather than half empty. My enthusiasm buoyed by positive psychology, self-help and liberation from years of indoctrination.

Might we ask ourselves a different question? If the quality of our lives is influenced by the quality of the questions we ask, then what better question might we pose?

Ask not, “Is the glass half full OR half empty?” but rather “Is the glass half full AND half empty?”

Well intentioned motivational gurus encourage us to set goals, chant affirmations, draw visualisations and take massive action. This is the recipe for success we are told. How is it that goal setting doesn’t work for many of us?

The answer lay in this dualistic perspective. Everything has a polar opposite - good and bad, right and wrong, light and dark.  In goal seeking terms it translates to attracting what you want and simultaneously attracting its shadow, what you don’t want. Neale Donald Walshe once said, “When you declare yourself as light, you will attract all manner of darkness such that you can see yourself as light.” I mean, if you were light and attracted more light then you simply wouldn’t see it would you?

What options have you got?

• Persist in the attempt to create half a reality
• Embrace both sides of this dualistic coin
• Raise the game (consciousness) to a level where UNITY and not duality governs creation

The old model of goal setting would have you create from your solar plexis chakra, the seat of the will. In this realm everything you create has an equal and opposite force. Yes, you can create from this place as man has been doing for many years. You also create what you don’t want. It’s a vicious circle of creation and destruction.

The alternative in the new age of heart consciousness is to create from your heart chakra. That is not to say, that action is not required. I love a double negative. Au contraire, the mistake many make with heart centered creation is to not take action and sit and wait passively. This is the part misconstrued by advocates of The Secret. The path to conscious creation, the path to unity, is in letting your heart guide your will and taking the appropriate decisive action when you feel guided to do so. It doesn’t mean you go without (in material or spiritual terms), it means you go within to what Abraham refers to as The Vortex.

See you on the inside. i have a seat waiting for you. 

The road to nowhere

There is a saying, “it’s about the journey, not the destination.” If, like many others, you have embarked upon your journey of self-discovery then consider that even your journey of self-discovery has an objective of well, self-discovery. So, even that road to nowhere actually goes somewhere.

The more I indulge in esoteric meanderings the more I sense that my path does have an end point for if it doesn’t then why begin a journey? Even if you experience that nomadic restlessly that beckons you into the night the destination is actually a point of self-discovery, heightened awareness, peace of mind, union with source or some variation on a theme.

The very notion of the word SEARCH implies that there is a FOUND.

The lyrics of this classic tune by Talking Heads commence with, “Well we know where going, but we don’t know where we’ve been.” David Byrne, I’m feeling ripped off. I want to go on a road to nowhere, like dude, the journey. I nearly wrote the journey till the end of time but that’s got a destination too.   

So, maybe the metaphoric journey isn’t a place in space or time. What about the journey of self-discovery? OK, it’s not a place and maybe I won’t even know what it looks like when I’m there, but THERE is a place, isn’t it? Can anyone else hear “an echo … an echo?” Oh look, there’s a rabbit hole. “Alice, is that you?” “Where’s your muchness?”

So, if we are searching for something, maybe that missing piece, then we still have a destination and the road DOES have a somewhere., maybe it’s over the rainbow?

Or, maybe the illusory search on the road to nowhere ends right where it begins - that place called home. Just as it did with Alice, and Dorothy, and others. Home is where the heart is, and when we come full circle (actually its more an upward spiral than a circle) only then we that restlessly subside. So, if you are on your path and feeling like you are going nowhere well relax my friend, your journey will come full circle and when you arrive you will not be you anymore. Perhaps it’s fitting that David Byrne wrote a song called “Home.” 

May you find that place in your heart called home and may I be at your doorstep to greet you.

You will give your best when you connect with your worst

You give the highest of you if you are open and willing to connect with the lowest of you.  By the lowest I mean the fear, doubt and depression, in brief, the darkness that is in your soul as a result of unresolved pain experiences.

Your highest self shall shine at the moment you welcome the darkest part of you. When you invite the lowest of you to enter your awareness, you let your light shine without judgment on those parts of your soul that have felt rejected and cast out. This is the part of you that has become angry, sad, bitter and lonely due to painful experiences. Please have compassion for this part of you that lives in the darkness and seeks solutions from the darkness, which often take you even farther away from the light.

In the darkness, you develop survival mechanisms which keep you from feeling what is really going on inside you: the fear, despair, depression and loneliness. You turn away from them. In fact, you are often taught to do so by the world around you. ‘Turn away from negative emotions. Be positive. Do your best. Be useful.’ This kind of warnings and invocations create fear inside you about your own darkness and they alienate you from your deepest feelings.

You all have a deep desire for light, for the freedom inherent in surrendering to who you truly are. Please realize that you ignite the greatest light inside if you are willing to reach out to the darkest and most neglected parts of you.

Jeshua

Your relationship with yourself

None of us can change everything. But we can all change something. A good place to start is with ourselves. Common sense would say that your relationship with yourself should be one of partnership. Unfortunately, it probably is not.

Many of us treat ourselves less as a partner than as someone to bully and manipulate. We push our bodies around whether they are tired or not. We get mad at ourselves. We criticize ourselves unmercifully. And most of the time we aren't even aware that this kind of treatment is something we learned and don’t have to put up with.

Do you find yourself going over things you did, focusing on what an inner voice says you’ve done wrong? Do you have a secret inner tyrant who keeps saying you’re not good enough? Do you carry a load of floating anxiety so that you shift from fear of one calamity to another, stifling your creative and spontaneous juices?

Adapted from The Power of Partnership: Seven Relationships That Will Change Your Life (2002), by Riane Eisler, New World Library

Maybe you don’t have these particular habits. But chances are you have some dominator habits that you aren’t even aware you use against yourself. Like many of us, you may carry resentments that leech energy you could channel into constructive actions. And like most of us, you were probably taught to suppress important aspects of yourself. Many of us are trapped in stereotyped gender roles that deny and distort our full humanity. If you take a moment to look, it becomes clear that we often let one part of ourselves dominate the other parts, instead of letting all parts function fully.

Sometimes people blame their parents for their problems. But our parents didn’t invent their habits.  They learnedthem from their parents, who in turn learned them from earlier generations, going way back in our cultural history to a time when there was a shift from an earlier partnership direction to one of domination and submission.

We can overcome these entrenched ways of thinking and relating -- the first step is awareness. For example:

• Observe the tension you carry, and bodily habits such as stiffening your shoulders or holding your breath. Just observe, without being critical. Then take three deep breaths, breathing out slowly, letting yourself feel thetension go out and the calm and well-being come in. (Thich Nhat Hahn recommends “breathe in calm, breathe out smile.”) 
• Become aware of the messages you carry in your head that limit or distort your full humanity. 
• Consider how deafeningly loud music, the constant flickering and frantic pace of television, noisy bars, violent action movies, and other forms of popular entertainment get you to “tune out” from your own experiences. 
• Consider how the rush of adrenalin that comes from violent action entertainment or horror films is a counterfeit substitute for the natural highs of partnership living and loving. 
• Observe the natural high you get from exploring new possibilities, from creating, and from helping those in need.

I can attest that change is possible. Once freed of the mental programming of gender stereotypes and self-deprecation, I was able to accept myself and progress in my personal development. And, as I became a better partner with myself, I found a wonderful life partner. ~ Riane Eisler

Emotions and Feelings

Emotions are essentially explosions of misunderstanding that you can clearly perceive in the body. Feelings, on the other hand, are of a different nature and are perceived differently as well. Feelings are more quiet than emotions. They are the whispers of the soul that reach you through gentle nudges, an inner knowingness or a sudden intuitive action that later appears to have been very wise.

Emotions always have something very intense and dramatic to them. Consider anxiety attacks, fear, rage or deep sadness. Emotions take hold of you completely and pull you away from your spiritual center. In the moment you are highly emotional, you are full of a kind of energy that pulls you away from your center, your inner clarity. In that sense, emotions are like clouds hovering before the sun.

Emotions should not be repressed; they are very valuable as a means to get to know yourself more intimately. But I do want to state what the nature of emotional energy is: it is an explosion of misunderstanding. Emotions essentially take you out of your center.

Feelings, on the other hand, bring you deeper into yourself, into your center. Feelings are closely associated with what you call intuition. Feelings express a higher understanding, a kind of understanding that transcends both the emotions and the mind.

Feelings originate in a non-physical realm, outside of the body. That is why they are not so clearly located within one spot of the physical body. Consider what happens when you sense something, an atmosphere or a mood, or when you have presentiments about a situation. There is a kind of knowingness within you then that seems to come from the outside and that is not a reaction from you to something external. It comes “out of nothing” (“out of the blue” as you so beautifully put it). In such a moment, you may feel something open up in your heart chakra.

Jeshua

Why ask why?

For quite some time in my coaching engagements I refrained from asking WHY? questions, especially the ones that triggered justification and judgement. For many us our basic emotional drive is to please others. In our pursuit of pleasing others, to win their favour, or our search to feel valued, accepted and even loved, we create a vacuous hole that we desperately seek to fill from the outside.

Often all it takes is a subtle inflection in your tone of voice to convert a sincere expression of interest into probing cross-examination. Why open yourself to justification and judgement?

These days I find wholesome value in asking the deeper question of WHY? Rather than being a Spanish inquisition triggering justification and judgement I use it to explore the deeper pool of meaning which is the gateway to a purposeful life. WHY? questions lead to an exploration of values, raison d’etre, purpose and meaning.

Whether it be an entrepreneur trying to convert a creative idea into steady cashflow, or a performing artist finding voice and an outlet for artistic self-expression, or a corporate employee searching for a job role to ignite their vocational passion. The WHY? question asked from a place of adventure, intrigue and wonderment engenders a very different response and, I hasten to add, a response that comes forth from the heart. The heart is the dominion of magic. Our search for purpose and meaning in our lives is answered by our connection to heart and spirit. The two realms being inextricably linked.

The more you FEEL your answer, or INTUIT your answer, the closer you are to source, your source. Often the path to discovering what you seek is triggered by posing a different, more compelling question – the exploration of WHY?

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“The Legacy of the Feminine”

In “The Rise of the Feminine,” we explored how the masculine and feminine polarities, Yin Yang, play out in business and leadership. For hundreds of years business has been dominated by fiercely competitive, command and control, patriarchal models of leadership. Never before have we faced such complexity, rapid change or global challenges. The old patriarchal models of leadership no longer serve.

“The Rise of the Feminine” has gathered widespread acceptance in personal and spiritual growth circles but has not been popularised in a business context – until now.

The Rise of the Feminine” has transformed the game of business. And not where you might think. Like a veritable tsunami you won’t see its waves breaking on the shoreline. It is an under-current, such is the way of the feminine. It is covert. Yet powerful beyond measure.

Whilst many look within the corridors of power in board rooms, executive teams of publicly listed companies, and political office, “The Rise of the Feminine” has transformed the micro business landscape right before our very eyes. The take-up rate of home based business, internet marketing, solo-preneurs and freelance work has been phenomenal. These micro enterprises do not rely upon the power and authority structures endemic in large corporations. This is where the economic landscape is being rewritten.

Economic theory was founded on the Law of Scarcity. It underpins everything we know and believe in economics and commerce. In short, competitive market forces of demand and supply determine the equilibrium price where the exchange of goods and services take place.

It is inaccurate to say the old masculine patriarchal energy has been replaced by “The Rise of the Feminine” in micro business for it never existed in this space. This is how “The Rise of the Feminine” has changed, and is changing, forever the way we do business. The micro business landscape and the world wide web is a portal to a new way of BEING in business.


The Old Boys Club lives on in another guise

Critics of the ‘old boys club’ approach to doing business may well consider that since Adam was a boy we have gathered together in tribes to pursue common goals. I am not an advocate of the Old Boys Club. It is isolationist. There is a better, more inclusive way. Business and leadership are not the sole preserve of men and particularly the old masculine energy based on power and authority structures.
Having said that I pose the question:

“Are women’s networks the modern version of The Old Boys Club?”

The key to long term sustainable change is in the integration of both masculine and feminine energy - “The Rise of the Feminine” coupled with The Rebirth of the Masculine. What we need is not a revolution from patriarch to matriarch but an evolution to new ways of business and leadership. A new model of heart based leadership which integrates BOTH masculine and feminine. This is the essence of Yin Yang – the masculine contains the feminine energy, and the feminine contains the masculine energy. They exist in unity not duality.

The biggest challenge facing women’s groups is how they engage, interact with, and emancipate the old masculine patriarchal energy. There is a wonderful opportunity to lead business into the new age from the heart.

This new age leadership, integrating both feminine and masculine, will come from outside the traditional power and authority structures and most likely will arise covertly from a minority voice. This is leadership. This is true celebration of diversity. The feminine influence on leadership in business will evolve. It will arise from evolution not revolution. This is the way of the feminine. It is not a power play. It is covert, subtle and unassuming.

The decree of quotas may serve to increase the representation of women in positions of power and influence. It’s a nice ideal and an incremental step towards parity. As effective as they might be, quotas aren’t transformative. There is an old adage in selling, “Power buys from power.

“The Rise of the Feminine” is far more than the pursuit of parity. It is far more than an incremental approach. It is of far more benefit than filling 10%-20% of executive positions. The real transformation of leadership is not a power game. There is a fundamental distinction between authority and leadership – everyone can lead and they don’t need to be in positions of power and authority to do so. Moreover, many people in positions of authority don’t lead. Leadership is a verb not a noun.


Micro business is leading the change

I wrote earlier that larger corporations need an authority structure to function. Micro business does not. Because of their small size they provide a perfect opportunity for a more feminine model of leadership.

Talk with any home based business owner and learn how innovative, flexible, collaborative, street smart they are to survive, let alone thrive.

Most micro businesses have a different raison d’etre. They are created more for lifestyle reasons rather than wealth creation. You won’t find them raising private equity, floating on the stock exchange and trading share parcels. These wealth creation strategies of the capital markets shift the game of business.

Micro business has a different agenda. They are more nimble, agile, quicker. If you look at how they operate, why they operate and for whom they operate – it is obvious why there are parallels with the feminine.


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BIO

Dennis Roberts is a leading strategist, executive coach and business mentor. He helps entrepreneurs and executives realise the full potential of their businesses and themselves, think outside the square and perform at their optimum. To learn how you can reach your true potential email me.